Jokes

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

:!LOL!:


Funny joke,add more pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!

Did you hear about Microsoft's new hard drive? It has five millisecond access, fits in a PC-Card slot, and has UNLIMITED space.

Unfortunately, they haven't finished formatting it yet.

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1997, Cosmo Quad Turbo RX-7. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000.

He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks,

"What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"

The young man replies, "A 1997 Cosmo Quad Turbo RX-7. It cost $500,000.

"That's a lot of money" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.

The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"

"Sure," replies the owner.

So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.

Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"

Just then, the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 MPH. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoossh! Something whips by him, going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than my 7?" the young man asks himself.

Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped!

"Couldn't be," thinks the guy."
"How could a moped outrun an RX-7?"

Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror!
Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and darn, it is the old man!!! Of course the moped and the old man are hurting for certain.

He runs up to the dying old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man groans and replies "Yes.
Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"

Good one!

Thanks

ROFL

Boy:daddy, I wanna be an AsS when I grow up.

Daddy:WHAT!?!?!??!

Boy: What's wrong with that!?!?

Daddy:urghhh...

lmao!! funny jokes... Here one too...

DEMON wrote:lmao!! funny jokes... Here one too...

A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! You need to
use ‘Big People’ words,” she was always reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend?

“I went to visit my Nana.”
No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use ‘Big People’ words!”

She then asked Mitchell what he had done.

“I took a ride on a choo-choo.”
She said “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use ‘Big People’ words.”

She then asked little Alex what he had done? “I read a book,” he replied.
That’s WONDERFUL!” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”

Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, “Winnie the SHIT”

LOL that's funny!
Good one Demon..

1st joke
Son comes back from school with smile in his face:
-Son: Mom!I got A from the Math!
-Mom:What Ever!You will die from the cancer anyways

;DDDD




2nd joke
I just came back from the NO-Lifer meeting:No1 came

xDDDD

Great jokes guys!
Except for Defy's jokes.
And I have one too: There are two muffins in the stove,side by side and one of them makes a comment: "Boy,it's hot here!" and the other one replies: "Holy crap,a talking muffin!!"
Now guess what animal I am referring to: It's big,green,has four legs and could kill you if it fell from a tree:







A POOL TABLE!!!

Good jokes!

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was
them.

LMAO that's funny as hell, Billy!
Here's one:

A woman brought a duck to a vet. As she put it on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a while, the vet shook his head sadly and said: "I'm sorry, your duck is dead."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead." replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she said. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a dog. the dog sniffed the duck from top to bottom.

He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also sniffed the bird from head to foot.

The cat shook its head, and ran out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said: "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is a dead duck." Then the vet gave her the bill.

The woman took the bill.
"$150?!" "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!?"
"I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but...with the Cat and Dog Scan, it's now $150."

Here's another one:
When I was younger I hated going to weddings, it seemed that all of my aunts and grandmas used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and telling me, "You're next." They stopped that after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals..hehe.

And another:

Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left...
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house:
"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Happy Birthday, Buddy"